There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
