I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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