did you get engaged???
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
