the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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