I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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