You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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