At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
