You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
