On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
