He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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