he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
