I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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