You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
