just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
