You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
