Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bring me that man meat
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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