What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
