So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
