Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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