Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
