God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
