my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
