Can i not drive my cunt home
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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