peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
