9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
