After last night, I could never be a politician.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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