I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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