did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
