I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
