Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
