"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
