I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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