What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
