My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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