she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you inspire me to be a worse person
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
