I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
