Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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