I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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