Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
