What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
