As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
