if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Walk of Shame today included voting.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I deserve to be covered in dicks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
