She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
