I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
