i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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