Why are handjobs necessary in class?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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