I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
