who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
