I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
