i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
