yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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