On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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