can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
