i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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