FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
