He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
