I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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