Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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