I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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