oh god the rape fog is back!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
40s are totally the cure
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
