nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
