kristin has been a bad kristin
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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