Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
