I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
