"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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