That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
