God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
