I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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